


The Lex Luthor Sex Tape

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-03
Updated: 2005-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 05:23:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paris Hilton eat your heart out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lex Luthor Sex Tape

## The Lex Luthor Sex Tape

by luthorminion

[]()

* * *

Feeback is welcome.  
Again, I didn't beta this story so be gentle. Don't own the any the characters and I don't make any money. 

The Lex Luthor Sex Tape 

"We really shouldn't tape this, Clark." Lex remembered saying. "Videos like these have a habit of showing up on the internet." 

"C'mon, you promised. You're gonna be gone for three months and I'm gonna need something. Anyway, I've been begging for years." Clark pouted. He was already naked, spread out on the bed like a wet dream, which was making the set-up of the camera and tripod difficult. Golden skin, perfect body, and a face that would turn a nun into a whore were things to difficult to resist. 

Lex gave into most of Clark's kinks (and turned him onto a few the boy never imagined) but he said no videotaping until the teenager turned 18. He didn't want to end up in jail now did he? 

Clark's 18th birthday passed and he was almost finished with highschool: Lex knew he couldn't deny the boy, no man anything. 

"You promise to be careful with this tape, right?" Lex asked severly. 

"Ofcourse Lex. Cross my heart and hope to die." There really was no reason for that gesture to turn Lex on but it did. Hitting record on the camera he leapt onto the bed, a cheesy porn soundtrack complete with synthesizers and a driving beat, playing in his ears. 

* * *

The really sad thing, Lex thought as he rode to the Penthouse from the airport, was that he was the one who lost the video. As soon as he got off the jet in Metropolis, he took a call from one of his security contacts who said there were rumors of a sex tape floating around Asia. At first he wondered how the tape ended up in Asia. He thought maybe his boyfriend had finally learned to fly and held the tape as a kind of security blanket, and dropped it in Thailand. It seemed unlikely, but Clark Kent's very existence stretched the limits between the real and and fantasy. 

Then he remembered. He'd thrown it in his suitcase when he left for his business trip. And he completely forgot about it's existence. Business was business, and since he knew Clark was waiting for him at home, he didn't need the tape to feel secure about their relationship. And anyway, he was working too damn hard to have time to fantasize about sex. 

He didn't even think about the video after his hotel room (and many others on the floor) was broken into while he was staying in Bali last week. He lost quite a bit of clothing, some pretty expensive cufflinks,and probably the tape as well. Clark was going to kill him. 

* * *

Clark ran down the stairs of the farmhouse, whistling a tune, a giant smile plastered on his face. He was so excited. Lex was back. He was in Metropolis and he'd be back in Smallville by the time he got out of school. He missed him so much when he was gone. It wasn't just the sex, though that was part of it. Basking in the love of Lex Luthor was like soaking up the rays of the sun: He felt energized and alive after spending a few hours with his beloved. 

He zipped into the kitchen, eating at superspeed, and noticed his parents at the table huddled over the Daily Planet. His Dad was shaking his head. His mother looked concerened. 

"Hey Guys, Can't talk, gonna be late." His parents didn't even look up as he ran out of the house. He got all the way to lunch before he heard about the tape from Chloe. 

"Hey Clark!" She said as she sat across from him at the table. "Did you hear about the Lex Luthor Sex Tape?" 

"What?!" He spluttered, spitting out a whole mouthful of milk at his blonde friend. A few heads turned at the action, shaking their head at the endemically geeky Clark Kent. 

"Jeez, Clark. What the hell!" Chloe said as soon as she could talk. 

"Um, sorry." 

"I wasn't expecting that sort of reaction." She said, wiping her face with her napkin. 

"Sorry. What did you say?" 

"I said, did you hear about the tape? One of my contacts at the Planet said whoever has it plans to post it on the internet sometime today. You'd think rich boy would be more careful. Are you alright?" 

"What?" Clark replied. He knew he looked completely and utterly freaked out so he took a deep breath and tried to smile. 

"No, I'm fine. Just gravy. Like the kind my mom makes. You know she uses peas. It's good. Like me. Gravy. Mmmm" He babbled. 

How could this happen? He'd been so careful. In fact, he hadn't even looked at the tape in a week. It was snug as a rug in his footlocker. 

They both jumped as "You Light up My Life" started playing. It was the Lexline: the cell phone his boyfriend gave him when he went to Japan so they could stay in touch without his parents knowing. 

"What's that?" Chloe asked. "Is that your phone?" 

"Noo. I, uh, gotta go." 

Clark bolted, not stopping until he was on the football field. The phone had stopped ringing, but he called back. Lex picked up the first ring. 

"Lex?" Clark asked. 

"Clark?" 

"Is there anyway the tape their talking about doesn't have me in it?" 

"Not unless someone videotaped me without my knowledge." Lex said. 

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I was so careful. Someone must have stolen the tape, made a copy, and then put it back in my footlocker. You were right, we should have never made that video." Clark promised himself he wouldn't cry. 

"Yes, you're right Clark but you shouldn't blaim yourself. Now we just need to think about how we're going to handle this." 

"Chloe said their going to post it sometime today. Can you stop it?" 

"I'll see what I can do. Just go about your business. I'm going to stay in Metropolis. No reason to draw attention to Smallville. No matter what happens, know that I love you Clark Kent."  
"I love you too Lex Luthor." 

Clark went through the rest of the day in a haze until Journalism. Chloe was sitting at the computer when he entered, a big smile on her face. 

"So I found the video. I'm downloading it as we speak." 

"C'mon Chloe. You're not supposed to do that at school!" 

"It's for the Paper. What kind of journalist would I be if I ignored the biggest scandal Smallville has ever seen." She added, flushing slightly. 

"And the fact that your friend is starring in said scandal doesn't make you feel guilty?" 

"Clark, Lex should have know better than videotape something like this. I mean, c'mon. He gets what he deserves. Anyway, a good journalist must make sacrifices sometimes. Ooh, Here we go." Chloe rubbed her hands maniacally. 

Clark considered using his heat vision to blow up the computer, but that wouldn't deter her. It was too late anyway, because she was clicking on the Quick time. 

Lex was standing with his face to the camera and the back of Clark's head was just barely in the screen, bobbing back and forth as he sucked his boyfriends cock. This was one of his favorite parts, watching Lex's face as he came. 

"Ohmigod, that's a guy isn't it? I wonder who he is." Chloe said.  
"Jesus Christ, fuck." video Lex moaned. Thank God the Torch offices were empty. "Yeah, that's right. Suck my cock." 

Lex reached out and put his hand on Clark's head, thrusting into his mouth over and over again. 

It was pretty sad that even though Clark was completely mortified, he was also totally turned on. God, he was such a pervert. 

"Wow, Lex is a freak!" Chloe squealed, squirming in her chair.  
"Don't stop. Ooooh, I'm gonna come. Fuck, that's it." He started thrusting even faster if that was possible. 

"Jeez. That guy giving him a blow job is really good at it. He's not missing a beat." Chloe observed. 

"Yeah, that's it, I love you so much. I love you." Lex shouted, shuddering through the orgasm. Oh god his face, Clark thought. His pants were definitely a little tighter. Video Clark was already standing up kissing Lex, face still turned away from the camera. 

"Do you love me?" Clark purred. Maybe no one would know it was him. Maybe, this was all there was to the tape. Then he remembered what happened next. 

"I love you Clark Jerome Kent. I love you so fucking much, I would die without you. " 

"Then I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be feeling it for weeks." Clark responded, kissing his boyfriend deeply and and thoroughly. 

"OHMIGOD!" Chloe screamed, as Clark turned and faced the camera.   
"Clark, you got some 'splainin' to do." 

* * *

After escaping Chloe's wrath, he headed home with a heavy heart. He needed to tell his parents about the tape, come out of the closet, and admit he'd been dating Lex for a year. Jesus. It hadn't gone well with Chloe. 

She was livid that he didn't tell her about his relationship with Lex. When he tried to explain why he'd kept it secret (the whole underage angle) she just shook her head and stormed off. He deleted the movie from the computer as well as from the web history, and sped home. To his doom, he figured. 

He heard them before he saw them: Reporters, camera crews, camped out at the farmhouse. He supersped through them, none the wiser, not stopping until he was in his room. He thought his parents didn't notice, but they must have felt the breeze and the vibration of the door opening and closing. 

"Clark, I know your up there, young man. Get your ass down here!" Jonathan shouted. 

He considered his options. He could hide under the bed. Seemed like a good plan. 

"Don't make us come up there after you, Clark." His mother shouted.His mom was shouting. Martha hardly ever raised her voice. 

He heard them both come up the stairs, and he quickly locked the door. His dad started jiggling the handle. 

"Open this fucking door!" Jonathan bellowed. 

The teenager waited for his mother to admonish his father for his language, but it didn't come. Not a good sign. 

"No! Not until you calm down." Clark shouted from beneath the bed. It was a bit cramped and dusty down there, but it had been his favorite hiding spot when was a kid. 

The door jingling stopped and he heard his father take a few deep breaths. 

"I'm calm Clark. Just come out and we'll discuss this like two grown-ups."  
"You don't sound calm!" Clark retorted. His father pounded on the door until it shook in the frame. 

"Open this goddamn door or I will bust it down!" Jonathan shouted. 

"Jonathan, honey. Clark is right, you need to calm down." He switched to X-ray vision and watched as his mother gently pushed his father away from the door. 

"Honey, we just want to know what's going on. Those folks outside said you're the one in the sex tape. It's not you is it honey?" Martha said. 

He could lie. He could say it was a double, a clone that's right, and that Lex was obsessed with him, stealing his DNA to make a sex slave. 

Clark actually opened his mouth to say it, knowing his father might actually believe it. 

"Answer me Clark!" His mother shouted. 

"It's true. It's all true. I've been seeing Lex for over a year and I love him and we made that tape because he was going away and somehow it got stolen and now our lives are ruined!" Clark shouted. 

Silence on the other side of the door. It went on for quite some time and Clark resisted the urge to use X-ray vision. He knew they were still standing there but he didn't want to see the shock/hurt/disappointment on their faces. 

"You Light up my Life" started playing, and he took the phone out of his pocket, grateful for the distraction. "Lex!" He shouted. 

"Are you talking to Lex Luthor!" His father shouted, resuming his assault on the door. 

"Clark. I'm so sorry. There was nothing I could do. Whoever stole it, sold it to a porn website in Thailand. It's only a matter of time before someone tracks you down." 

"You're too late, Lex. The media circus has already begun." Clark whispered, not wanting to inflame his father any further. 

" Shit. Wait, What's that noise? It sounds like someone's yelling" 

"That's my father trying to break down the door. He says he's going to rip off your head and shit down your throat. Dad that's just disgusting!" Clark shouted. "Oh. Well. I'm coming. I should be there in a few hours." 

"Do you think that's a good idea? I mean-" 

"I love you Clark. I'm not going to abandon you." 

"I love you too, Lex." 

* * *

At the very same time as Lex was talking to his boyfriend, Pete Ross returned home from school in Witchita. He'd heard about the Lex Luthor sex tape, and he really wanted to see what the fuss was all about. 

It wasn't that Lex turned him on or anything (no way, dude he was straight and just 'cause he had that dream about Clark once didn't make him gay or anything) but he was sure the bald billionaire was getting it on with a really hot girl. That's right. A hot girl. Look at his past conquests: Victoria, Desiree, even the good doctor. He sat down at his computer and found the movie easily already aroused by the thought of a seeing a hot girl naked.  
Unlike Chloe he recognized Clark almost immediately. He knew he should really stop watching: He and Clark had been like brothers growing up, and despite all the shit that went down the big alien still meant a lot to him. But when Clark started fucking Lex he couldn't take his eyes off the screen or keep his hands off of his cock. The sight of his best bud, covered in sweat and moaning as he fucked Luthor's ass was just too goddamn hot. 

Clark's new superpower is turning people gay, he thought as he came harder than he ever had before. 

* * *

Chloe returned home from school, adamant that she wouldn't get on the internet, because if she went online she would watch the whole video and that would be very bad. Clark was her best friend and she really shouldn't see him in the throes of passion. It was wrong, it was perverted, it was, it was...before Chloe knew it, she was sitting at the computer waiting for the stupid thing to download. It was shocking to say the least. And arousing, and fucking amazing. Who knew that shy farmboy could be so fucking passionate, and dominant in bed. In the middle of her third viewing (and gazillionith orgasm) the phone rang: it was her contact from the Planet. Apparently, Clark's assumption that the tapes public appearance was his own fault was erroneous. She headed over to the Kent Farm to spill the beans. 

Lex Luthor spent the whole trip to Smallville, completely and utterly terrified. 

He wasn't afraid of the ramifications of the tape: He figured Metropolis was well aware of his proclivities, Clark was definitely 18-years old, and the State of Kansas wouldn't bother arresting them for committing sodomy. A case like that would be the perfect way to get that particular law stricken from the books and he knew they wouldn't want to risk it. 

He wasn't really afraid of Jonathan Kent either. Than man was more bark than bite, and there was no way Clark was going to allow his father to physically hurt him. In the beginning of the relationship he had been all for telling the Kents they were dating, but Clark hemmed and hawed, and finally said he was afraid it would give the man a heart attack. Martha would calm the monster down, and after a few months (or years) when it became obvious to Kent that Lex was here to stay, he might finally get over it. 

His real terror was Clark. What Clark would do if (who was he kidding when) he found out it was all Lex's fault. And that Lex allowed the farmboy to think he was the one to blaim. When Clark had come clean about his alien origins, they'd decided to be truthful in all things, no matter what the cost. Granted, he never actually lied, but such shadings of truth were more Luthor than Kent. 

Lex realized he was at the farmhouse, scattering the media horde with his limo. They gave chase and he ignored there shouted questions as his chaffeur, personal assistant, and bodyguard kept them at bay. He only had eyes for Clark, who was standing at the door, a smile on his face. Almost 4 years, and the sight of the boy (man Lex, man) still took his breath away. 

They looked at each other for a long moment, ignoring the flashbulbs in the distance, only intent on each other. 

"Come on in. My mom made some coffee." Clark said, taking his hand.  
Once inside, his lover pulled him into a warm embrace, and walked him into the living room where Martha, Jonathan, and Chloe Sullivan (what the hell?) were waiting. 

"Hello Lex." the girl piped up when she caught his bewildered glance. 

"Hello Ms. Sullivan, Mr and Mrs. Kent." 

Clark led him to the couch and sat down next to him still holding his hand. 

"So, Lex how your trip?" Martha asked tightly. She was pissed, but she was still polite. 

"Very productive." 

"Good. That's good. I'm happy things-" 

"What the hell? Are we just gonna sit here and talk about nothing? You have a lot of explaining to do, Luthor! Jonathan spat. 

"Well, uh-" Lex began. 

"First you seduce my teenage son, and then you video tape it! Tell me the truth, you used some sort of...of... Luthor mojo, didn't you? What is it, voodoo, black magic, dianetics?" 

"Dad!" Clark said. "Please. Just calm down. As I told you before, I love Lex. Have loved him and will most likely always love him. As for the tape" Clark snuck a glance at Lex who tried his damndest to keep his expression neutrel "it was all my fault this happened. I was the one who begged Lex to tape our lovemaking and I was also the one who lost the tape. Isn't that right, Lex?" 

"Clark we're both to blaim. I shouldn't have given in." And I shouldn't have lost the tape he added silently. 

"I just feel terrible, this is all my fault. Can you ever forgive me?" 

"Of course." Clark turned and gave him the Look. The look like you're lying and I know you're lying. Lex cowered. "You're lying to me." 

"Well, technically..." 

"Don't technically me Alexandar. We've discussed this. Tell me what really happened to the tape." Oh, the deadly quiet voice. He must have learned that from his mother. "I don't..." 

"Tell me!" Clark shouted. 

"Someone broke into my room, stole my luggage and some jewelry, and apparently the tape. I completely forgot about it until I got back." 

"Remember what I said the next time you ever lied to me?" 

"Yes, but this isn't really-" 

"We're going to have a long, and hard discussion about the importance of truth. Go upstairs to my room and wait for me." 

"But Clark, I wasn't..." 

"Go upstairs, or we'll have our discussion right here. In front of everybody." 

"You wouldn't!" 

"Or we could go outside and do it in front of the newscrews?" 

"Okay, okay." Lex stood up. "I'm sorry. Mrs and Mrs. Kent. Chloe." He fled up the stairs. The last thing he heard was Chloe saying, "Somebody's in trouble!" 

* * *

Things were strange at the Kent farmhouse. When she came over and filled them in on how the tape ended up in the wrong hands, Jonathan began his patented "never trust a Luthor speech." Clark however was oddly thoughtful. He shared a very private and evil smile with himself at one point, apparently zoning out his father's rant. Then Lex arrived, tried to lie, and was sent to his room without supper. Clark paced for a moment, breathing deeply, and then joined him.  
Martha and Jonathan looked at Chloe. They followed the two upstairs as quietly as they could. This was getting good. It was quiet a bit, then there were raised voices. 

"It wasn't my fault. I didn't mean for the tape to be stolen!" 

"That's not the problem Lex. You let me think it was my fault." 

"What you think is your own business, but I am sorry Clark. However, I don't believe this is the place to-" 

The sound of clothes ripping. 

"Shut up, Luthor. Remember what you said you would do to me if I ever lied to you again!" Smack. 

"Jesus, Clark those pants cost 2-thousand dollars." 

"A small price to pay to teach you the difference between right (smack) and wrong (smack)" 

"Fuck you Clark." 

"Oh no, if there's going to be any fucking going on today I'm gonna be the one to do it." 

"Tell me your sorry!" Smack. 

"I'm sorry! Jesus!" 

"Oh, I don't think your sorry enough." Smack, smack, smack, smack. 

"You're gonna come into my house and lie to me. Make me look like a fool in front of my parents. I love you Lex but sometimes..." Smack smack smack. 

"Fuck Clark, that hurts!" 

"You want me to stop, you know what to say." 

"No. I deserve it. Just like we agreed." 

"Yes you do" Smack. " I want you remember everytime you sit down for the next week how much you hurt me. " smack, smack, smack. 

"Is that enough, Lex? Have you learned your lesson?" 

"Yes" Lex said with a sob. "I'm sorry I lied. It was wrong for me to mislead you. A relationship can't last if it's built on lies and mistrust." 

"And who said that?" 

"I did. I did." Loud sniffling. 

"Mmmm you want me to kiss it and make it better." Clark said. Kissing sounds. 

"Oh God, just take me Clark. I love you so much." 

"I love you too Lex."  
Chloe looked at Clark's parents, and they backed down the stairs as quietly as they could. It didn't help though, since the boys didn't really care about the amount of noise they were making. 

"Well, at least Clark seems to wear the britches in the relationship. Sometimes, you just gotta put a boy over your knee and smack some sense into him. " Jonathan said over the moans, loud thumping, and the oh-jesus-fuck yeses. Martha started laughing maniacally. Jonathan felt himself blushing at the look in his wife's eyes: He didn't know what it meant but he was sure he would find out later. 

"Okay, um, seems my work here is done. Tell Clark I'll see him tommorow!" Chloe fled trying not to get grossed out by the fact that her best friend's parents were looking at each other that way. Or more turned on. God she was gonna burst. She might have to pull over before she got home to take care of business. 

Epilogue 

Things actually worked out okay for Lex as soon as he could sit down again. The first ever gay celebrity sex tape made the Thai Internet Porn site millions. Lex acquired the corporation, fired everyone who had anything to do with the distribution of the tape, and then re-released the tape for public consumption. All proceeds went into a trust fund for Clark when he reached 25. He never found out who actually stole his luggage, but he began to think it was just a case of petty thievery. In the past, a mystery like that would have driven him crazy, but now he had other things to preoccupy him, like lying on his taxes to draw the attention and punishment of a certain black-haired superhero. 

Clark's parents ultimately forgave him for lying about his relationship, having sex on tape, and then screwing his boyfriend under their roof. His mother especially liked the way he handled Lex, trying some of his more corporal techniques on her stubborn husband to both of their delight. 

As for school, Clark worried the other kids would attack him now that his sexuality was out in the open, but except for a few incidents, it actually made him more popular. Most of the girls and a few of the boys cornered him and asked him to demonstrate his blow job technique on bananas and on one memorable occasion, a chinese eggplant. And even some of his fellow football players complimenented him on making Lex Luthor his bitch. 

Chloe became a bit obsessed with the sex video, and try as she might to purge the images from her mind, they lurked there whenever she ran into her best friend and his boyfriend. Depressed and sexually frustrated, she dropped into the Talon one afternoon to drown her sorrows in a mocha. Lana listened to her troubles, took her home, and made her forget all about boys without gag reflexes. 

Pete was permanently gay. He decided that since the man who made him that way was off the market, he should take a spot at a college far away away from Smallville and 6 foot 3 farmboys with dick sucking lips.   
One night, while wandering in a seedy part of the ridiculously gothic city, drunk and pining for a love that would never be, he was attacked by a gang of bizarrely dressed thugs. Before he could say, Holy Fashion Disaster, he was saved by Gotham's resident superhero. This one, however, didn't want him in the role of token black friend and expendable supporting character. Batman cast him as the love interest instead. 

The END 


End file.
